Up until about two years ago, I used to poke fun at the very idea of writing a journal entry. Until one night, for no reason in particular, when I gave it a shot and spilled out all of the thoughts that I had kept bottled up inside of me.
Each night, I wrote one note after another, adding them to a pile of entries or turning them into sad songs. Sometimes I simply tossed them out into the ether and sometimes I buried these feelings deep down in my heart. As I was doing this, I slowly felt all of the weight on my shoulders lighten up.
So I kept writing and writing about depression until last year in late January, when my life made a complete turn-around.
I started dating my wonderful boyfriend and for the first time in my entire life, I felt all of my problems solve themselves out naturally. Ever since entering my life, my boyfriend has given me a chance to live outside of of the rough world that I’m still trapped in.
When I’m with him, I can put my guard down and speak my mind. I don’t have to play those silly games where you talk over each other in order to share your opinions. I’m free to share my deepest fears and feel all of the warmth that I’ve never thought I’d find in someone else.
Today, I’m happy, fulfilled and living in a way I’ve never pictured before. I’m finally a little more free from those petty mind tricks that I face almost every single day. The ones where people have to one-up and pressure each other just for sport. The ticking-time-bomb-wannabes, who are ready to blow up with the slightest touch just because they feel like it.
Because they don’t care about what you have to say. It’s a rough environment to live in. I’ve watched relationships go from stale to abusive and I’ve seen people lose their minds trying to get out of here. Everything is flaming-hot or ice-cold because there’s rarely anything in-between.
After more than 20 years of living on this spec of dust, I’ve finally found a place where the sun shines all year round and the grass is literally much greener. The songs that I sing now are about a world isn’t entirely a bad place at all.