Grown Up at Eight: A Short Childhood

“I want to move into an apartment because I can make friends there!” I said excitedly as we passed by a large, two-story building.

It was difficult to ignore the smiles and laughter as siblings and friends– kids my age– crowded the sidewalk after school. As an only child, I desperately wished to be like the other children in the neighborhood.

Within two years, that dream came true and it wasn’t what I had expected. Mom and I moved out of our three-bedroom house to a single-bedroom apartment.

I regret what I had said instantly. I miss watching TV on the brown living room carpet and running from there out to the vegetable patch in the front yard. I also miss eating ice-cream with mom under the cool summer breeze. Most importantly, I miss having freedom and a roof over our heads to call our own.

Sacrificing all of that, mom worked long shifts at the salon and resumed the rest of her day helping me with homework. I was too young without anyone else to watch over me, so mom often picked me up from school and brought me to the salon.

It was hard on her, of course, and I am thankful for everything she has done for me. I knew she was a wonderful mom even at that age.

Meanwhile, this was also when I began to hide a lot about myself. Because I was out in public, whatever I said and did became my sole responsibility.

I had to be on my best behavior in front of mom’s clients, who occasionally brought their children over to play. Of course, it also hindered my ability to socialize among my peers.

I never truly fit in. I still don’t.

Because of the environment I was raised in, I’ve lived more than one-third of my life behind a mask. I fear failure and I am afraid to disappoint my mom, who means the world to me. After all, I am her hopes and dreams– the one she has to rely on.

I’ve forgotten how to feel a wide range of emotions and I sometimes don’t know how to think for myself. All of these things are partially why I feel really anxious often– if not daily.

As a woman in her mid-20’s, I share a lot more common with friends ten years older than me. I’ve yet to enter the world and I’m already thinking about settling down and being able to afford a house.

I know these are material things that will allow us to be a little more comfortable, but they are part of a bigger dream. I think I’m starting to figure out what happiness means…

Spinning Out of Control: When The World Comes Crashing Down

My head keeps spinning and I’m starting to lose track of time. As of the past few weeks, I’ve been facing the reality of losing my one and only job as a cashier. I now spend the majority of my time applying for jobs left and right. If not that, then I network with people on LinkedIn or the ones I meet through work.

As soon as I get home from my evening and night shifts, I’m as good as a vegetable. These past three days have only presented themselves as a litmus test as I barely manage to get home by 9 p.m. at the very least. Somehow, I manage to find time to work with my editor-in-chief from my new magazine internship.

I’ve only joined within the past week-and-a-half and already, she seems pretty understanding of it all. Today, however, stressed me out in so many ways. As soon as I woke up, I submitted my 11th job application this past month, took their 10-minute assessment, and started working on an assignment for my internship.

But every step I took backfired and I made mistakes that cost me an hour or two of productivity. Time flew by before I even realized that my deadline was tomorrow, not in two days.

I’m trying to do as much as I can with my current situation. As I began to type the first paragraph of this blog post, my boyfriend called back to talk some sense into me. While all of the above is important, I have to drop one thing off of my schedule— applying for another job on my own.

I have to agree, I’ve submitted as many as I could already. Except for the applications I’m about to submit with the help of a friend I’ll call “S,” who I thank from the bottom of my heart.

Aside from that, I’ll just have to figure out how to balance everything else. It’s amazing how crying and talking over the phone can change your day. I’m going to make mistakes, but I’m not going to give up!

Chicken noodle soup for the tired soul

The first time I ever felt depressed was when I was 11 years old back in 2004. I was staring down at my bathtub surrounded by dark and cool white walls that resembled what I’d imagine to be like an asylum. Not much air flowed through the room in addition to it being lifeless and dull that one’s voice could echo across the room.

As I faced to look outside past the barred windows, everyday seemed pretty grey. Regardless of whether or not the weather was nice, I wasn’t really allowed to enjoy much of it. Hence why everyday was easily a very dismal day. But this day was different. For once, I felt a sense of melancholy which then turned into a void.

My soul felt exhausted as if I’d lived much longer than someone my age. No feelings, just emptiness like a barren wasteland. Yet, I couldn’t understand why for many years after that. These thoughts and feelings never really stopped. Like poison, they sunk back right in to rot my mind, body and soul.

I knew that I couldn’t afford medical attention. Even if I could, I was too shy to talk about my problems with anyone let alone a professional. Five years pass until I hit my final straw- or so I thought.

I was tired of peer pressure and other not-so-pleasing circumstances that come with being impoverished. So I stood yet again, hovering over my bathtub, but this time, I wasn’t alone. I came with a small kitchen knife, debating whether or not I should just plunge it into my gut.

At that moment in my life, I saw the faces of everyone I cared for flash before my eyes. I walked to the kitchen to return the knife. As each year passed, I slowly started to understand myself more. I was still depressed, but never diagnosed as such.

While I did face similar issues as I got older, I survived every one of those episodes with more experience. In a sense, it was all a work-in-progress to build resolve in fighting through the trials and tribulations that have yet to come my way.

3 Easy Ways To Improve Your Memory And Survive A Busy Schedule

Lately, it’s become a struggle to remember the smaller details that you’ve forgotten throughout the day. You’ve forgotten things like what you ate for breakfast or what you said about an hour ago and that’s okay! Those things belong in the past!

I’m totally with you and I’ve listed three ways to help you survive your busy schedule starting with this one:

Create a list of things that you have to do

List the most important things that you have to do right now. Like that new project that you have to finish within an hour or the fact that you can actually set some time aside to grab some lunch and maybe a coffee.

Make sure to take care of the time-sensitive things first and then work your way down the rest of the list. Don’t sweat it if the day has already come to an end. You’ve got a lot less on your plate now!

Cut out the fluff

Cut out the habits that you can live without. Indulge occasionally. Are you addicted to social media, but have so much to do? Unless it’s something serious, surely, your friends can wait.

Are you watching YouTube videos and gaming the night away? An hour or two of that is plenty because there’s enough leveling-up to do in real life.

Take care of yourself

This part can’t be said enough. Make sure to drink plenty of water and eat full meals throughout the day. You’ll want to do everything that you can to stop those nasty headaches.

Try to change your daily routine. Your health is at the door, but your brain says your schedule’s booked!

Opening Your Heart Will Change Your Life For The Better

In the day and during the night, you look past all of the lights that shine around you. Your skin feels cold to the touch just looking at the grey clouds in the sky so far away. Time feels like it’s stretching further apart. An hour feels like forever. You stare at the minutes on the clock and feel as if your heart is turning into stone with every second that passes you by.

That’s the feeling of loneliness weighing you down. It closes your heart and poisons your mind. It only takes a little bit of time before you tell yourself that your life isn’t going to get any better. But we all know that that’s a complete lie.

You try to put up a fight, but your body feels so weak– helpless. Hope and faith are two words that never sounded so stupid before up until now. Yet, there’s a reason why you keep reaching out to other people for help. There’s nothing stupid about any of it at all.

So keep reaching out to even more people, keep fighting the same war and keep your chin up. Eventually, the people that you need in your life will come to find you. Yes, they will find you. They will fight this battle along with you, support you and love you just the way you are.

They will hold your hands when you’re feeling lost and light up the small places in your heart that you’ve left forgotten. Their hugs will melt away all of your problems. The problems that have weighed you down for so many years as if for centuries.

That weight around your heart will only feel lighter. Life only gets better.

 

3 Things You Should Know About A Stylish Delight

Up until January, I was just like you. I always judged myself because I thought I wasn’t perfect. For me, that meant being a perfect woman, daughter and the best version of myself.

I always wondered if I was ever going to get to that point in my life. My face was never pretty enough and the number of clothes I owned kept piling up as well.

Then I realized something— it was all in my head. I was just driving myself crazy with all of these bad thoughts. I just took a long time to finally see it. It was through this journey that A Stylish Delight was born just for you.

In addition to it’s focus on mental health, fashion and beauty, here are three things you should know about this website:

I want to help you survive the same struggles as I did

I want to share personal experiences through short bursts of information so that it’s quick and easy to read wherever you go. I also want to avoid writing those long, 1,200-word articles with titles, titles and more studies.

You know, the ones with long words that no one really uses in real life? Not everyone understands or remembers them and besides, it’s just not my style. I just want you to know that you are not alone in this journey.

Mental health is a gateway to inner beauty

This website is about accepting the beauty of our hearts and minds. You are more beautiful than you’ll ever realize, but in order to get a preview of that, you’ll have to put in work, too. Ugh, I know, right?

Who said that becoming a better version of yourself was going to be easy? In a world where we see almost everything at face value, it’s easy to forget that we are human beings, too. Now all you have to do is accept everything about yourself.

It started off as a nightly journal entry on an iPhone

For the past two years, I would take out my iPhone and jot down all of the thoughts that bothered me. I would think about the things that I said or the way I behaved and try to get to the bottom of it. Although I didn’t want to admit it at first, writing my heart out made me feel so much better.

At that time, I didn’t feel like sharing anything with anyone just yet. I was angry, tired and frustrated by the fact that I was handing all of my power to these thoughts that really didn’t matter.

I also knew that getting professional help would cost a lot more money than I can dream of having right now. So instead of feeling bad for myself, I’m sharing what I’ve learned throughout my journey with you!

Much love from yours truly,

Diane

How You Can Face Rejection & Grow As A Person

Right now, you’re having a hard time seeing the bigger picture. Not just any picture, but your picture. You’re still putting the pieces together for hints as to what your future may look like. You find that it’s not as easy as you thought it would be. That’s because life wouldn’t be as interesting if you knew the answers to all of your questions.

So how do you move on when someone doesn’t accept what you have to bring to the table? As painful as rejection is, these are the times when you grow the most as a person. It tests your patience and reminds you of the skills that you need to work on. It’s the cheat-sheet to your next test. What happens next depends on how you choose to act now.

You have the power to change the rest of your life. You’re just getting ready for the next chapter. Learn to accept the answers that you don’t want to hear. You’ll be surprised with what you’ll find. Spend some time to think about them and act on the ones that will work for you.

These experiences could be something that you laugh about with your friends and family in the future. It’s easier to enjoy the journey when you’re with the people that you love.